We sixes are in the dependent stance. This means we will look anywhere and everywhere for answers to all our questions–and we have a lot of them–rather than within. We need to make sure things check out with other people (where this is directly asking or reading a bajillion articles) before we feel that we can move forward. This can seem logical and reasonable and can actually be, BUT this behavior usually stems from a lack of self trust and an attempt to find security and safety. Not good motivators. Why? When we act from that motivation, the personality patterns that leave us feeling self doubting, fearful, and anxious are strengthened.
In order to begin to build self trust and find our inner authority, we have to do something different. Here is what the process looks like:
- Pick something you need to do that requires you to make a decision you would normally check out with others. Make this small to start. We have better success building new habits when we have successes at the beginning.
- Make the decision. Decide what to do. Again, we are starting small here.
- Notice the feeling that comes up right after you decide. STOP and just notice it. It will not be a positive feeling. Your brain will be giving you lots of thoughts about your decision and those thoughts are creating negative emotion in your body. Notice those without judgement.
- Stay with the emotion. Name it. Describe it. Breathe.
- Notice that this emotion is attempting to move you to take an action like get approval, change your mind or GOOGLE.
- Don’t take the action. Stay with your emotion. Breathe. The emotion may come in waves. Just let it be.
- Repeat steps 3-6 until the emotion passes.
When you have done this, you have begun a process of not traveling down well-worn neuro-pathways and started building a new one, that YOU CHOSE! This is the path to building your self trust. You can absolutely do it.
If you have questions about this technique or anything you read on the blog, you can find me on FB here or you can email me at email@example.com.