What does giving up coffee have to do with building self trust

Coffee. Ahhhhh. I’m from the Pacific Northwest…they basically add it to baby food there. OK. Not quite, but I had my first coffee beverage at 15 and never really looked back, barring a couple first trimesters of pregnancy when it just wasn’t feasible.

But, fast forward to some medical issues and I realized it had to go for a while. So, I quit. Easy peasy. JUST KIDDING! Oh my gosh, that first week…

What was hard about it? Sure I missed my caffeine boost. Yes there were some headaches. But those parts were not what was hard. It was alllll my thinking around it that made it so hard. Remember, our thoughts create our feelings and desire is a feeling. And it can be a powerful one. I just wanted it and my thoughts were doing all kinds of work to reinforce the desire and get me to satisfy it. Insert your favorite indulgence, imagine giving it up and you know all the thoughts I’m talking about:

Just one cup. It’s fine. You can quit tomorrow, you have a lot to do today. Who even cares? It’s so not a big deal. You need to feel sharp. Everyone else gets to have it and they are fine.

I even had a cup made two separate times before I stopped myself. I had given into my lower brain yammering away, made the coffee and then I realized I was thinking, “no one even has to know”. The true kiss of death thought when we are working to give something up that isn’t good for us. No one has to know? I would know! And I dumped it out. TWICE this happened.

Here is why this matters: If I say I’m going to do something, and I don’t do it, I am breaking my trust with myself. It has nothing to do with the actual substance or act. We do this all the time.

I won’t eat that. I won’t drink that. I won’t say that. I’ll stay calm. I won’t do it again. And then we do the opposite of what we said.

In that moment we have a choice that is so much bigger than it seems. We can build trust with ourselves in that moment or break it down. We don’t realize that’s the choice we are making. Our brain is just trying to convince us that we should do what we always do–stay the same and don’t change because change requires effort. But, when that happens, when we repeatedly give in, we tell ourselves that decisions we make with our pre-frontal cortex (the productive thinking part) aren’t that important. We HAVE to quit telling ourselves this! The decisions we make with our pre-frontal cortex are the MOST important decisions we make because everything else is automatic. This is the part of the brain we use to build the life we want.

And here is the amazing part! My desire has gone down significantly. I actually don’t want the coffee anymore. This is possible with anything we are addicted to. We can retrain our brain.

So, even though no one but me knew that I made the coffee and then poured it down the drain (TWICE), I’m sharing it with you for a real example of what this looks like. What can you apply this to in your own life? It’s the small decisions we make each day that are the foundation to the elusive self trust so many of my clients want. Self trust is built or broken down in the small moments each day.

If you want help applying this in your own life to begin to build your trusting relationship with yourself, schedule a call with me and I’ll teach you how.